Fractious Community

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I have often said that there really is no such thing as “community”. Its a term, one used far too often, that tries to build inclusion with its use. But for a community to exist it needs to share values, principles, drivers, and goals.

What is in “the scene” is a mishmash of households, tribes, and individualists which shares naught but one thing – its non-normative. But that does not make use unified, cohesive, or anything alike… and that’s okay. We don’t NEED to be alike, we need to respect or at least tolerate, but we don’t have to be the same. But this means that we also need to respect the differences and understand that there are differing values which can come to a head and create gaps in expectations, misunderstandings, and diverging goals.

I think it helps to be honest and transparent about the reality. We are not unified, we’re far too big and complex to remotely BE unified. Be you involved in power exchange M/s dynamics, a kinkster, hypno, swinger, LGBQT focused, or all of the above – our goals and priorities are very different, and that’s okay… until it isn’t. Until its disrupted by poor decision-making, bad behavior, and unethical or flat-out criminal conduct. Until the conflict of priorities and values escalates us to an all-out cultural war.

I think the various “micro-communities” of these and other group interests would do well to contemplate and prioritize what they are about, then perhaps a regional Kink Summit of leaders could help codify shared values and policies which could provide some much needed definition and structure to these all-inclusive kink related events.  If labels are for soup cans and not for people, then why should our respective groups be any different?  We cannot rely on activity or lifestyle labels, we need to Define it more clearly so we can articulate consistently what our goals and principles are and make choices to act accordingly.

This would be my “call to action” idea – else we risk further fractioning and contention across our respective groups. For if we don’t act to resolve and respect the differences and disintegrate completely, then we risk losing the shared values which are, beneath it all, so very noble.